Parent-Infant Attunement Part III
Jeremy Hartling and his baby Olivia
Parent-Infant Attunement Part III
Learning to be “attuned” to each individual child is a process of trial and error that takes time and effort. No parent or caregiver is “in-tune” with their child 24/7. No matter how well you know your child; there will be many times when the signals your child is sending are confusing. There will also be times when you don’t have the time to give your full attention to your baby, which is alright, as long as you can give your infant enough quality time to create a strong bond.
A good time to practice attunement is when your infant is in the wide-awake, quiet alert state. Dr. T. Berry Brazelton, noted author and pediatrician, describes states of awareness that are common for most infants. There is a continuum of consciousness from deep sleep at one end, to active, intense crying at the other end. In the wide awake quiet alert state, your infant will have smooth body movements and an attentive look on his face. Your baby may follow your movements and focus on your face, locking eyes with you. Parents want to prolong this state when possible because this is a time when babies learn a lot from their environment. However, an attuned parent will also recognize the signs that her baby is overwhelmed by too much stimulation.
Some signs of over-stimulation include:
1. Baby will turn his head away and break eye contact
2. Baby may become fussy and irritable
3. Baby’s breathing may become shallow and rapid
4. Baby’s face may become pale or red
5. Baby’s movements may become rapid and “jerky”
When parents are fully attuned to their baby’s vocal signals and body language, they are able to offer truly responsive parenting.
Strategies recommended by Michigan State University, to become more attuned to infants and young children:
1. Hold or position your child so that you can see each other’s faces. Remember that newborns need to be about eight- to 12-inches from your face to see it clearly. As infants grow, they do not need to be so close, but you still need to maintain relatively close proximity.
2. Give your child your undivided attention and try to remove other thoughts from your mind. Be present. While we know that it is not possible to be constantly focused on your child, you will be able to set aside several times each day to try to establish this one-on-one time when you are not engaged in any other activity. Again, you will want to look for times when it is appropriate for your baby.
Look at your child’s body language and facial expressions. Listen to the sounds he is making. Follow your child’s eyes.
3. Match your facial expression and tone of voice to your child’s expression. Take a cue from the Latin definition of the word “respond” – give like for like.
Quietly echo your child’s vocalizations or tone to begin interacting with them.
Pace your movements and vocal pattern to match the tempo of your child’s actions.
You create a stronger bond and a richer relationship with your child when you are attuned. You also give your child more skills to participate in a dialogue with you and others who are attuned. You participate in creating a sturdy foundation for your infant’s mental health which will last a lifetime.
Parent-Infant Attunement Part II
Marisa Hartling and her baby Olivia
Parent-Infant Attunement -Part II
Psychologists suggest that communication begins with careful listening and the concept of “attunement.” This term is used to describe the process of focusing on your child’s vocalizations, body language and facial expression in order to understand what your child needs, wants and feels. When you are “tuned-in” to your young child, you can more easily understand what your child is telling you about their world. You create a stronger bond and a richer relationship with your child when you are attuned. You also give your child more skills to participate in a dialogue with you and others who are attuned.
Parent-Infant Attunement Part I
Baby Olivia Hartling
Parent-Infant Attunement Part I
Attunement is the term used to describe parents’ reactiveness to their babies’ moods and emotions.
Ways we are attuned to our infant and young children:
1. We express it in the way that we hold and touch them.
2. We express this in the way that we feed; bathe, diaper and toilet train them.
3. We express this with the tone of our voice that we use with them.
4. We express this by the way we tolerate their feelings.
5. We express this in letting them feel comfortable with their emotions and with their bodies.
6. We express this by listening well to them tell us how they feel.
Self esteem part III – Ways to boost your child’s self esteem through play, feeding, and encounters with others
Ways to boost your child’s self esteem according to age:
12 months old:
- Allow your child to feed himself finger-foods and his bottle
16 months old:
- Allow your child to use a fork to spear food
- Let him decide whether or not he wants to eat, don’t force
1 – 2 year olds:
- Encourage parallel play with peers
- Plan playdates and outings ahead
- On play dates try not to leave until your child is ready
- Encourage your child to stay in the play group
- Don’t push him to share his toys but teach him about taking turns
- Let other children teach him – you may need to intervene sometimes but wait a bit to see if he can work it out
3 – 5 year olds:
- Reward your child for success in learning to play with others
- Encourage 1 or 2 regular buddies or play mates that he gets to know well to understand and rely on as friends
- They will give him a feeling of being competent with other people. They will teach him to share and be considerate of other people’s feelings.
If you have any concerns about your child’s self esteem contact us at (323)655-5580. We are here to help!
Self esteem Part II – Balance Praise and Criticism
There is a danger in the pressure today to read, write and perform tasks not appropriate for age level and developmental stage. There is a pressure to exceed and to be “the best.” This pressure often overwhelms a child’s sense of competence. Teaching too early, “precocious learning” pays a price. The child is learning to perform because of his desire to please others rather than his inner curiosity, which is the best motivator.
5 principles for building positive self-esteem in children
- 1. If a child learns to please others he may not get the sense of having achieved it on his own.
- 2. Too much praise can overwhelm and become pressure rather than encouragement.
- 3. Criticism induces passivity rather than energy to solve problems.
- 4. Learn ways to nurture your child’s initiative and boost his self esteem with any new task. Encourage him but don’t shape or pressure him.
- 5. Let him try different ways to solve problems and have fun within boundaries of safety and respect to others.
Self Esteem – Part I
Children and Self Esteem
The excitement of mastering a task can be seen in young babies as they roll over, grasp a cracker and stack blocks. These experiences ultimately provide a base for a feeling of oneself, of self-esteem.
When parents encourage a baby who has just learned a task by himself, they reinforce and encourage a good future self-image. As the child struggles and finally triumphs, the light in his eyes begins to glow.
Parents expectations and past experiences will influence whether they can afford to let a child experiment, get frustrated, and then make it on his own. It is this combination of freedom and encouragement that is necessary for increasing self-esteem.
To encourage a positive self image:
- Convey a balance of freedom and support
- Transmit a way of thinking as well as of problem solving. (These are picked up as child identifies with parents and the child’s self image begins to form)
Example:
A toddler playing with a puzzle. The parent sits back and watches the toddler try the pieces. The toddler turns the piece around and around. Finally he turns it in just the right way and it fits! He looks to his parent triumphantly. The parent says, “You did it yourself!”
7 Points to remember regarding your children and self-esteem:
- 1. Reinforce him as he learns to recognize his own achievements.
- 2. Don’t step in too early to show him or even to encourage him to keep trying.
- 3. When he finally succeeds acknowledge that he did it!
- 4. It can be difficult to sit back and allow a child his own frustration – time to fail before succeeding. But this is a critical part of the recognition of his success.
- 5. Frustration can be a positive force for child’s learning about himself.
- 6. There is a fine line between the challenge of frustration and overwhelming obstacles.
- 7. Watch your child and observe him. Does he show curiosity? Persistence? The ability to succeed at a problem or defeat?
Fall Festival at The Grove
COME JOIN US !!!
Please join us for the fall family festival at the Grove on Sunday, October 20th. We will be meeting at 11 am by the fountain, come by and say hello. The festivities include a petting zoo, live jazz band, pie eating contests and much more! Can’t wait to see you all there!
To check it out here is the link:
http://www.farmersmarketla.com/events
Siblings Without Rivalry; How to handle the fighting
When siblings bicker and fight it is often difficult for parents to diffuse the argument. In the book Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish some helpful rules to handle the fighting are outlined.
Level I. Normal Bickering
1. Ignore it. Think about your next vacation.
2. Tell yourself the children are having an important experience in conflict resolution.
Level II. Situation Heating up. Adult Intervention Might Be Helpful
1. Acknowledge their anger. “You two sound mad at each other!”
2. Reflect each child’s point of view. “So Sara, you want to keep on holding the puppy, because he’s just settled down in your arms. And you Billy, feel you’re entitled to a turn too.”
3. Describe the problem with respect. “That’s a tough one: Two children and only one puppy.”
4. Express confidence in the children’s ability to find their own solution. “I have a confidence that you two can work out a solution that’s fair to each of you…and fair to the puppy.”
5. Leave the room.
Level III: Situation Possibly Dangerous.
1. Inquire: “Is this a play fight or a real fight?” (Play fights are permitted. Real fights are not.)
2. Let the children know: “Play fighting by mutual consent only.” (If it’s not fun for both, it’s got to stop.)
3. Respect your feelings: “You may be playing, but it’s too rough for me. You need to find another activity.”
Level IV: Situation Definitely Dangerous! Adult Intervention Necessary.
1. Describe what you see. “I see two very angry children who are about to hurt each other.”
2. Separate the children. “It’s not safe to be together. We must have a cooling-off period. Quick, you to your room, and you to yours!”
ECDA Guest Speaker: Cynthia Epps
We recently enjoyed having guest speaker Cynthia Epps, infant/toddler feeding specialist, here to give us some tips about feeding our toddlers and specifically how to deal with ” Toddler Food Wars.” Cynthia is a real expert and had some great suggestions for our parents. Here is a list of some of her suggestions:
- It is important to make a statement about what we are eating when offering something new instead of asking if your child would like to try it.
- It is helpful to keep favorite foods away from your child when serving a meal so that your child relies on appetite and eats the foods you want him/her to eat.
- If your child wants some of your food, state that it is your food, take a moment to pause, and then say you are willing to share it with him/her.
- Allow your child to feed himself and keep undesired food around in case your child wishes to try the refused food later on.
- If the main course is refused you may offer up to three alternatives from the same food group.
- Set a good example for your child by eating together and talking about things other than food. (Example: ” You had so much fun at Toddler Group today. What was your favorite activity?”)
- Send only behavioral messages to your child when you have to say “no” to a certain type of food. Don’t offer long, alternative explanations such as, “All of the cookies are gone.”
This is only a brief glimpse of what we learned today. Cynthia always has lots of great information to share with us. We thank her so much for joining us!
Cynthia Epps, MS, IBCLC
MotherWork
Metabolic Nutritionist
Board Certified Lactation Consultant
(310) 458-6430
Preschool Assessment: Is Your Child Ready for Preschool?
Baby Olivia Loved Her Developmental Toys!
Marilee is back from her trip and had so much fun visiting her grandbaby and family! Baby Olivia loved her developmental toys. Some of the toys included developmental musical instruments. Music, rhythm, and songs are helpful for developing speech and language. The rhythm of the words that are sung with your baby help with developing “phonological awareness” which is helpful for speech development and later for reading.
Here is baby Olivia with her xylophone! She absolutely loved her toys.
The developmental toys were purchased at the Hollywood Pump Station.
6 Positive Outcomes from Successful Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy has several positive outcomes.
Six positive outcomes from successful EFT include:
- Partners are emotionally engaged.
- Partners experience improved power in the relationship.
- Partners have improved self-awareness and awareness of the other.
- Partners are able to take the focus off of the other’s flaws and begin to understand more about their own fears and longings.
- Partners increase their self-worth which stimulates an appetite for additional connection.
Megan Baker, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
Summarized from “The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection.” Susan M. Johnson (2004).
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy
Introducing Megan Baker, MA IMFT – our Marriage and Family Therapist Intern here at Early Child Development Associates. She does Individual and Couples Therapy and is a Child Specialist.
Megan Baker, M.A., I.M.F.T
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy is a unique form of short-term and collaborative therapy designed to help shift the negative interactional positions of a couple by replacing them with more positive patterns allowing for partners to create a more secure bond.
EFT has its roots in John Bowlby’s attachment theory. He posited that every child needs an attachment figure/figures that will be there when they need them. Adults have similar attachment needs as they feel more secure when they know that their partner is responsive and emotionally available.
In a partnership where individuals are physically present but emotionally unavailable, the connection gets lost. Distressed partners then become desperate to pursue or persuade the other to become more responsive. Unfortunately, the response is often negative which perpetuates the negative interactional cycle.
The primary goal of EFT is to help each partner observe and come to understand how their own behavior feeds the cycle and how to stop triggering their partner’s reactions. Partners have the opportunity to explore and focus on their own primary attachment needs and emotions.
When partners have a safe connection, each partner becomes a source of protection and comfort for the other. Partners also gain a greater ability to assist the other in regulating negative emotions and building a stronger and more positive sense of self.
Megan Baker, M.A., Marriage and Family Therapist Intern
Summarized from “The Practice of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy: Creating Connection.” Susan M. Johnson (2004).
Presenting: Art Camp
We would like to introduce a fun summer group, Art Camp! ECDA’s Art Camp is a special group program for children ages 3 to 10 years old who would like to explore self-expression through different forms of art. They will experience art through paints, acrylics, charcoal, oil pastels, clay and much more! This group will be lots of fun and we hope you will join us!
Groups are co-lead by our Art Specialist, Kerri Blackstone, MA and executive director Marilee Hartling, RN, MFT.
Meeting Schedule: July 15th through July 19th in the afternoon.
Time: 3:00-4:30pm
Groups meet at our center located at: 8344 Melrose Ave. Suit 23, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For more information, or to register, contact: Marilee Hartling, RN, MFT – (323) 655-5580 or email us at info@ecdevelopment.org.
Zucchini Carrot Muffins
A mother from one of our Mommy and Me groups brought delicious zucchini carrot muffins to group this week! They were so delicious we wanted to share the recipe with all of you.
Ingredients
Muffins:
- 1 cup almond flour
- 1/4 cup brown rice flour
- 1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
- 1/3 cup grapeseed oil
- 1/3 cup maple syrup
- 1 large egg, at room temperature
- 1/2 cup grated carrots (from1 medium peeled carrot)
- 1/2 cup grated zucchini (from 1 medium unpeeled zucchini)
- 1/2 cup raisins
Frosting (optional):
- 1 cup whipped cream cheese, at room temperature (about 8 ounces)
- 1 1/2 tablespoons honey
Directions
For the muffins: Place an oven rack in the center of the oven. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Line 24 mini-muffin cups with (1 1/2-inch) paper liners. Set aside.
In a medium bowl, sieve together the flours, salt, baking powder, baking soda, and cinnamon. Add any solids leftover in the sieve to the bowl and mix in.
In a separate medium bowl, whisk together the oil, syrup, and egg. Add the dry ingredients and mix until just combined. Mix in the grated carrot, grated zucchini, and raisins.
Using 2 small spoons, fill the prepared muffin cups 3/4 full with the batter and bake until light golden, about 15 minutes. Cool for 5 minutes. Transfer the muffins to a wire rack to cool completely, about 30 minutes.
For the frosting: In a small bowl, mix together the cream cheese and honey until smooth.
To serve: Spread the cooled muffins with frosting, if using, and serve.
Nutrition Information
Per Muffin (without optional cream cheese): Calories: 82; Total Fat: 5 grams; Saturated Fat: 0.5 grams; Protein: 2 grams; Total carbohydrates: 8 grams; Sugar: 5 grams; Fiber: 1 grams; Cholesterol: 9 milligrams; Sodium: 74 milligrams
Our Preschool Prep Group- 8 Activities that Prepare Kids for Preschool
Preschool Prep Group
Preparing Kids for Preschool
In our Melrose office we offer a 1 and 1/2 hour group experience for children ages 2 1/2 to 3 years old that focuses on preparing children for the transition from toddler group to preschool. Many of the children who have grown up in our infant and toddler group programs move into our Preschool Prep Group once they turn 2 or 2 1/2 years old when parents begin to plan for and anticipate the start of preschool. We recommend 6 months of this group before the big transition.
Our Preschool Prep Group focuses on the skills that will be helpful to each child (and parent) in transitioning to any preschool program. Children who have grown up in our infant and toddler groups already have had some experience with gentle separation from parents as they have crawled and then “toddled” away from parents through the open door between our Group Room and our Play Room. In our Play Room infants and toddlers are provided gentle support in separation as well as planned activities that promote developmental progress while parents participate in discussion in the Group Room.
“Bye, Bye Mommy!”
During their stay in our Preschool Prep Group, children have a chance to practice separating from Mom and Dad in a more “grown up” way. As they leave the Group Room and enter the Play Room they wave to Mom or Dad and say “Bye,Bye” knowing that Mom or Dad will be further away than they were in Toddler Group but still in the building where they will be sharing a cup of coffee or having lunch with other parents. For toddlers who have been with us for awhile, this next step in separation happens in an already familiar environment which lowers anxiety and results in a positive separation experience. This positive separation experience in our Preschool Prep Group is one more important step towards the bigger separation experience and independence children will experience when they go off to preschool.
Activities that Prepare Children for
the Transition from Toddler Group to Preschool
1) Children practice doing a special job during music time (example: holding the basket and collecting the shakers or bean bags from friends in order to put them away, assisting group leaders in carrying toys or bringing out the parachute, collecting & putting away the scarves, etc.)
2) Children practice lining up with friends for transitions
3) Children practice having a positive separation from Mom or Dad when parents leave ( and so do parents)
4) Children practice speech & language as well as social skills while sharing lunch around the table with friends and group leaders
5) Children practice sitting and listening during “Story Time”
6) Children practice resolving conflicts with friends while group leaders teach children to trade and to take turns while using the big sand timer.
7) With adult assistance children practice using their words with a friend when there is a need instead of hitting, pushing, kicking or biting
8) Children learn to work together with friends during music time & play time. (examples include holding the parachute handles and moving the parachute up and down together to get the paper “popcorn” to “pop” in the parachute during the Popcorn Song, building a parking garage together with blocks and then “parking” the cars, measuring and mixing ingredients to make play doh, etc.)
Children and parents who attend our Preschool Prep Group often develop close friendships that continue long after the group ends.
Friends forever!
Marilee Hartling RN, MFT
Ariko Yoshizawa MA
Teddy Bear Picnic!
We are super excited for our upcoming Teddy Bear Picnic event! For the last two weeks we have been preparing and getting ready for our fun picnic. June is Teddy Bear month at ECDA, and we have definitely been having fun with all of the teddy bears at the center. We had a bear cave set up in our play room with all kinds of teddy bears, blankets, and books inside for the kids to enjoy. Our Mommy and Me groups have sponge painted bears, as well as decorated them with clothes to bring to our Teddy Bear picnic next week.
Our Teddy Bear picnics will be on July 2nd (Tuesday), July 3rd (Wednesday), and July 11th (Thursday)! There will be no groups on July 4th (enjoy the holiday!) Please bring your favorite teddy bear and wear pajamas to our fun filled picnic. We can’t wait to see you there and have lots of fun!
New Preschool Prep Group
We would like to announce that we will be starting a new Preschool Prep group in the fall! This is a special group program for children ages 2 to 3.5 years old. The Preschool Prep group will focus on promoting social emotional competence, preparing children for preschool, and offers parenting support. This group will be led by child development specialists who will provide education and promote the development and practice of social skills, as well as cognitive development.
The Preschool Prep group will be led by Pat Joseph Thomas, Psy.D, from the Center for Early Education and Marilee Hartling, RN, MFT, the Director of the Early Childhood Development Associates.
The group will meet twice a week on Tuesday and Thursday mornings for 1 hour and 45 minutes (9am-10:45am).
The group starts on September 10, 2013.
Groups will be held at the Early Childhood Development Associates center.
8344 Melrose Ave. Suite 23
Los Angeles, CA 90069
For more information or to register contact Marilee Hartling, RN, MFT or Pat Joseph Thomas, Psy.D
(323) 655-5580 or info@ecdevelopment.org
Why Development of Fine Motor Skills Is So Important
There are two types of motor skills, gross motor skills and fine motor skills. In this post, we focus on fine motor skills. These motor skills deal with the small movements of the body, such as in the hands, fingers, toes, lips and tongue.
These motor skills that children develop become very important for every day activities. These skills allow children to tie their shoes, use scissors, open and close things, pinch objects, and many more functional tasks!
Many of the activities we do here at ECDA, promote fine motor skills. We have the children use different objects and tools to paint with and use for other crafts. Tools such as sponges, droppers, brushes, and cotton balls are among the many we use for our activities. Using these different tools require different hand movements that are precise that not only will allow them to do these activities, but it helps develop their fine motor skills, which will allow them to do many tasks in the future that serve important functions to their daily lives.
Even something as simple as play-dough or putty promotes fine motor skills. Children can manipulate the dough in various ways using their fine motor skills. You can also hide items in dough and allow your child to find the hidden items. Activities like this and the ones we do here in ECDA, are designed to be engaging and interesting for children, so they don’t feel any pressure, and are able to develop important motor skills while they are having lots of fun!
If you are interested in joining our developmental programs, please contact Ariko Yoshizawa, MA at info@ecdevelopment.org or 323-655-5580.
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